Felling Good and Feeling Bad
My confidence is growing stronger each week...I still have a way to go in my recovery from the years of psychological abuse/bullying from my ex, but I'm a LOT less self-depricating than I used to be. Most of my growth is due to my husband and my church. I LOVE my church. Love it! I have been lay-leading for awhile. This means, that on the Sunday's I Lay Lead, I am responsible for giving the communion meditation. I was the lay leader on December 24th, and our Pastor said it was hands down the best meditation he had heard in many years. (he also re-iterated that at the Elder's meeting on Thursday. I found out from my friend, Kathy, who's an Elder) Today, I got to Lay Lead again. 15 people came up to me, and gave me a huge hug, and told me how much my words touched them, how inspired they felt. I also just received 3 E-mails from different folks, thanking me again for today. It made (and makes) me feel so good.
I've been struggling with finding a job, as you all know. I have no idea what I'd be good at, and what's sad, is that I have a degree, but do not have ANY qualifications for any jobs out there that will make more than, oh, say, $7 an hour. That will definately NOT cover childcare.
I thought I had found the perfect job for me. Becoming (one of the hated to some) a full time ratings screener for the movies. You know, those people that decide if the movie should receive a G, PG, R, etc. They make good money, and it would be a lot of fun! However, you cannot be "in the business". You cannot have EVER been in the business, so, alas, I'm out for that job, too. I even got turned down for a paid testimonial this week (I was going to try a "NEW Oust Air Sanitizer in my home for a week for $100) because I'm a member of SAG. So, once again, I find myself back at the drawing board.
I'll leave you with the Poem I started my meditation with this morning. Some of you may have heard it before. It was found carved into a wall at Auschwitz (I believe) after the Holocaust.
I believe in the sun, even when it isn't shining.
I believe in love, even when there's no one there
And I believe in God, I believe in God, even when He's silent.
I know your out there working, God, and I'm listening for ya. I just wish you'd be a little bit louder.
I've been struggling with finding a job, as you all know. I have no idea what I'd be good at, and what's sad, is that I have a degree, but do not have ANY qualifications for any jobs out there that will make more than, oh, say, $7 an hour. That will definately NOT cover childcare.
I thought I had found the perfect job for me. Becoming (one of the hated to some) a full time ratings screener for the movies. You know, those people that decide if the movie should receive a G, PG, R, etc. They make good money, and it would be a lot of fun! However, you cannot be "in the business". You cannot have EVER been in the business, so, alas, I'm out for that job, too. I even got turned down for a paid testimonial this week (I was going to try a "NEW Oust Air Sanitizer in my home for a week for $100) because I'm a member of SAG. So, once again, I find myself back at the drawing board.
I'll leave you with the Poem I started my meditation with this morning. Some of you may have heard it before. It was found carved into a wall at Auschwitz (I believe) after the Holocaust.
I believe in the sun, even when it isn't shining.
I believe in love, even when there's no one there
And I believe in God, I believe in God, even when He's silent.
I know your out there working, God, and I'm listening for ya. I just wish you'd be a little bit louder.
posted by Ramblings of a crazed SAHM at 1:34 PM
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